Author: Norma

Death of a loved one

It’s been awhile since I’ve blogged.

Life has given me a strange turn of events.

On Saturday, June 12th, I received an early morning phone call from my sister who told me that my nephew had died.

To clarify, this is my cousin’s son but we grew up like sisters so he was considered a nephew to me. Some would say a second cousin but — a nephew to me.

He was only 27 years. A Spanish teacher. He had been laid off of work, his condo was in foreclosure and he suffered from back pain.

The cause of death is unknown at this time. The autopsy was inconclusive.

A 27 year old man does not just die though. Something happened. Hopefully one day we will find out what.

He was full of life and energy.

The funeral was long, 6 hours. There were approximately 2300 people who attended.

Since my cousin’s husband is a Senator many officials were in attendance.

What does one say to someone who loses a loved one so suddenly. All I could do was hug them and cry. And cry. And cry.

People die every day. It’s “life as it is.” Some die from sickness, some from accidents. Some take their lives because they get tired of living in it. Some take their lives because of mental anguish.

I was once asked if I thought a person could go to heaven if they committed suicide.

Am I a guru or something? My answer was simple: Only God knows. The taking of a life, even one’s own is considered something that God would not want. But, if a person has a mental disease or if they change their minds and can’t do anything about it at the last minute or ???

The possibilities are endless and since I’m not God I can’t venture to guess. It’s best left to the best judge in this universe.

My brain and body have still not recovered from this shock. I am still tired physically and my brain does things that are backwards. My thoughts are muted.

Imagine the parents of my nephew. I can’t envelope the grief. Only my small portion of grief is all that I can feel and it is overwhelming.

It’s a sunny day today with temps in the 70’s. Beauty still exists in spite of sorrow.

Thank you God.

Uniqueness

End of the day. My back hurts. I’ve been doing a lot of gardening yesterday and today.

Have almost all of the plants in. Only need 3 more and I’ll be done.

Does it make sense to do this much work if one is considering moving soon? Not that we have a place to move to yet but … gotta be ready!

Tomorrow I’ll be going to “campmeeting.” It’s a Seventh-day Adventist Christian retreat. I used to spend a whole 9 days there when the boys were younger. But now it’s just me so I go only on Saturdays.

The speakers are fantastic — usually. And I usually wind up seeing people I only see when I go there.

There are sometimes more than 3000 people in attendance which is quite different than attending a church every week that has 15 or so people attending. We are a part of a much bigger crowd and every year it’s visible.

Isn’t that how life is though? We think we have thoughts that are only ours but if we were transparent we would see/know that there are others who have the same thoughts.

Or perhaps it’s something that we “do” differently that we think is unique — yet if we were transparent about it we would find out that others “do” the same thing.

We are not as unique as we think ourselves to be.

Life … as it is.

Aging

Spent yesterday helping two “older” women.

One is moving to Nebraska in two weeks. She is such a beautiful person. She laughs easily, doesn’t worry but flows with life. She is 84. Her husband passed away about 3 years ago. She’s sorting through her “stuff” of life. It’s hard for her to get rid of a lot of things. She said “they’re memories” and they clearly made her happy thinking of them. She would have great belly laughs as she would tell me about each piece and what it meant to her.

I have met one other person — a friend of mine — who died last year who had such a cheerful countenance when I was with her. She was 89. Her life was in turmoil as she was unhappy in her “new” marriage of 8? years or so. Her husband was always on the phone with another woman who he said he would have married had it not been for her husband.

Shortly after he married my friend, this other woman’s husband passed away and he had every day contact with her. He would tell her how he really wanted to be with her but now he was married. Had he only waited another year they could have been together.

How would that make one feel? Having one’s husband tell another woman that if he wasn’t married he would be with her?

Unworthy? Inadequate? A failure? At 89 one should not have to go through that emotional roller coaster.

My friend died — being okay with dying. Perhaps she couldn’t handle the emotional pain of not being wanted.

And yet, she kept a smile on her face and “served” her husband well.

In the end, he went to live with this woman who kicked him out after 6 months.

Life …

Customer Service

Starting out to be an irritating day.

I had ordered two different sets of DVD’s — two different places.

Called to check on the status of both of them. At one place I was told that the gentleman who can help me (because it was an internet order) is out of the office until Thursday. Uh, really? And, no one else can help me. Uh, no. Uh, really? Okayyyyy …

The second place I called said “oh, your order is backordered.” Uh, really, how about emailing me and letting me know that? Response? “Well, we’re having problems with the changing of personnel and one DVD is still pending, the others are here. Oh wait, I see it’s come in.” Uh, really?

Is it me or is customer service going downhill quickly?

Sermon

Ahhh … having trouble completing my sermon. Almost there. So close. The beginning and ending are finished. The middle is almost finished.

The word peculiar in the Bible doesn’t mean what we would think it means. It means “valued, private property, special.” So when it says that we are to be a peculiar people it means we are valued — we belong to God. We are special and are His private property.

Oh how sweet that is to my ears.

Back to the sermon.

Church and Brain function

Tomorrow I will be preaching at church. My sermon title is “Instrument of Peace.” I haven’t finalized everything that I will be saying yet but it’s formulating in my head.

Sometimes it feels like I work better under pressure.

In addition, I’ll be having the special music for the day singing a song called Adore. Adoring Jesus …

So much to do at home that sometimes I don’t do anything or minimal because my brain doesn’t seem to function well when it thinks it has too much to do. The weird thing is that I make my own plans for the day so the “things to do” are all things that I can do but don’t necessarily have to do.

Life … as it is.

Friendships

Illinois Blue Sky

We spent last evening with some friends. One of them is a paraplegic. He was shot in the back when he was about 26 years old. He’s had a really hard life but manages to have a smile on his face when we visit him and his wife.

Today we were invited for brunch at another friends home. Such wonderful food from these wonderful Lebanese friends.  They looked tired today and the wife told me “we are getting old.”  They are 73 years old now.

I used to think that our friends were mainly “older” but as I ponder it more, they are not much older than us ~ about 10 years.

Looks like I’ll be preaching the sermon this week at church but I haven’t yet picked a topic although the word “instruments” keeps popping up in my heard.  Hmm …

Today I’ve been feeling dizzy but not enough to keep me down.  Just enough for me to “feel it.”

And then I heard from a friend in Michigan today.  It was so nice of him to call.  He’s going to school to become a Pastor which will be a great investment of his time ~ and a great sacrifice.  I hope I can make it to his wedding when he sets the date.  I’m so thankful he has found a lifetime friend.

God is good.

Enchiladas & Temperance

Enchiladas for dinner tonight with fresh pineapple.

I wonder if the pineapple in heaven will taste the same as the one here. I enjoy fresh pineapple. Yummmmm …

I’m teaching the young adults tomorrow in Sabbath School. The topic is temperance. Good topic for all of us to study.
I have a young adult in my home who shall remain nameless who is enthralled with his new iPad. I’m trialing it to see how it works.

Current events

Spent the morning doing “normal” things. Laundry, painting, putting things away.

Will be picking Sam up at the airport today. He’ll be here one week and then he’ll be off again for an indeterminate amount of time. It’s nice to be able to travel to places where you often thought of. Meeting “different” people.
The news is talking about the oil in the Gulf Coast and what would happen if there were a hurricane. Pretty scary stuff.
Doesn’t get better either with North & South Korea at each other’s throats.
Closer to the end of this world as we know it — Jesus is coming back soon to take us home.
Yet, I don’t feel anxious about things happening in the world. I tend to get anxious about everyday things like if I have enough food for people who I invite over for dinner.